KFC anyone?

This post has been prompted by desparation. I feel I must speak out and express my utter dispair. The Colonel would turn in his grave.

I have reached the conclusion that eating at a KFC restaurant here in the UK is largely a day long affair. Please don't anyone call this fast food.

How many times have you experienced this time-wasting scenario:

1. Enter KFC via door and join queue which begins a few inches over the threshold.

2. Contemplate leaving but the pull of the chicken is just too strong.

3. You notice that there appears to only be one person serving whilst there are four vacant tills.

4. The queue goes down very slowly as everyone in front appears to be ordering for twelve.

5. Just when you begin to lose all hope, its nearly your turn. Alas! someone is now trying to pay with an obscure credit card/voucher/cheque.

6. Nearly there! But what's this? Someone pushes in to complain that their drink has too much/not enough ice or the chicken is too hot/cold or just for an impromptu chat with the person who is 'supposed' to be working.

7. You get to the front of the queue but the person has disappeared... you wait while in all probablility they are using the restroom (without washing their hands).

8. Its YOUR turn... Your mind goes temporarily blank while you try to remember what you came in for.

9. The staff member has little to say while you order but seems to scowl.. Surely all this food can't be for one person?

10. After taking your order, they don't move on and take the next order... Oh no, they disappear again to manhandle chicken and chips onto a bun or into the box. At this point, you also notice significant gravy stains on the persons uniform and wonder... how?

11. You are relieved of far too much money in return for your meal which has inevitably lost some of its original appeal.

But wait! Even I was shocked yesterday as I visited a KFC which will remain nameless. Yesterday, while I was at Festival Park near Newcastle, I decided to visit a KFC restaurant and after waiting for nearly 30 mins for my food, I nearly choked on it when I heard the attendant announce to those who had been waiting 30 mins to reach the front... "I'm sorry, we have run out of Chicken"

Now I thought that I wouldn't finish my post on a negative so here's a few suggestions that I think the KFC crew could find useful.

1. Make sure you have chicken in stock - This one's important

2. If you have 4 tills... Why not push the (gravy) boat out and use them...

3. After taking someone's order... Serve the next person and the next, so on and so forth.

4. Get ANOTHER STAFF MEMBER to prepare orders using those handy monitors, Is that not what they are for?

5. Don't think people don't mind waiting... we do!

And finally... You may wonder why I have titled this post with the word 'Conspiracy' Well, basically I have found that regardless of the venue, the experince at KFC seems to be identical. Now I can't figure out why this is the case so I'm prepared to consider the possibility of some kind of KFC conspiracy.

And as for me, If any employees see this... I could be consuming the 'Hocker' burger unawares the next time I visit...